What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 04:19
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Comes on , in middle age.
Why is social media so anti-fee speech, and have they become total BS?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We were not on the streets..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Is there a possibility that we are living in a simulation and that there is a concept of rebirth?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I said to her
Are there any queer Space Marine Legion in Warhammer 30k or 40k?
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was 9 years of age.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
When sharing a wife, is it best with your buddy or a stranger?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why do narcissists keep calling on the phone after years of separation?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
So whats the point in blame.
I was seconnd youngest,
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
—— indirects on kuorans, irl and idols
She married twice! .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I write beautiful poetry .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was very sick at this time too.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
(And it was in our own minds.)
When she asked me how she looked .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I was scared of men, in general
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
So, i spoilt her more .
She loved him until the end.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
What did i know ?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She was in good health!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
All the time i was locked up.
He knew the spot.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But, we were locked up after school.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We all went to grammer schools
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I don,t even have a pension.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I could never make a relationship work though!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And i lived it daily.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I will be 64.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But it wasn’t much.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Ive learnt so much.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I never cut or harmed myself..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My family never makes their pension either.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She wouldn,t have been !
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Would this be the day?
Why did i forgive my father ?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Im still living with it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I have no regrets .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I think the readers, may guess!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Put me off passion for life!!
But ive been too sick for many years..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She found it foreign!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Who then, do I blame.?
My life is so biszare .
It was going to be , some day.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
This is soul school!.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One cannot live in the past .
I waited trembling.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him